reali pissed off with her sometimes la.
though i admit i m rather attitude at times too.
budd.
cant she b more considerate.
i wonder whether she reali feels heartache when i fall sick cuz of stress, or when i m reali reali back home late w/o informin her, or when i m lyt strugglin wit my stuff until i m abt to break up.
i mean..
cann she lyt sense my presence???
does she reali i mean REALLY care for me?
if so.
why cant she b abit more considerate??
she has e tym to dig wad i threw in e laundry basket.
budd she has NO time to lyt clear up tt overpiled laundry basket.
its lyt almost one wk since we WASH clothes.
yes. one week.
its omg.
budd tts true.
n it happens relatively often.

been returnin home so late for e whole damn wk.
n she jux happily threw e dishes to lemme wash.
i meann.
cant u lyt ask di to do sth??
y muz u dump everything to me?
m i lyt e only one survivin in e family?
or u trust me too much, tt u only cann allow me to do all these chores?

cant u lyt take a look.
rather denn gimme ur stupid black face when u c me.
i hav enuff stress from sch alr.
mentally n physically.
i m totally drained.
i longed for a gd night sleep.
a reali nice sleep
where i need not tink of so much stuff.

been spendin so much tym rushin my stuff these few days.
stayin up in e middle of e night till one two and sometimes three to complete my stuff.
to study my quiz.
cant u lyt SENSE it?
r u numb?
skin-less?
sense-less?
or u jux refuse to care

do u lyt hafta hate me so much?
i mean.
wad did i do in e very first place to make u gimme this kinda attitude?
y m i e onli one gettin all thesE?
i m a human too.
do u lyt hafta despise me or sth jux becuz i dunn study as well as him?
do u lyt hafta despise me becuz i made ya lost ur freedom or wadsoeva reason.
i dunn.
u gave birth to me.
i dunn have e choice budd u haf it.
its u who chose tis path.
budd y blame me?

y u two cant jux spare some touts for me?
m i reali e only one who noes all e chores n stuff?
m i reali e only one who cann do e dishes/
do u reali hafta WAIT FOR ME to get all these done?
i mean.
who is e housewife here?
izzit me or u?
u r makin feel tt
somehow, ur presence doesnt matter anymore.
reali dun.
in fact,
wit ur presence, i get more stressed up tensed up n agitated.
in other words.
i rather u r absent.
yesh.
tts how i feel now.
strongly.

studyin is not as easy as u tiink.
u go for lessons too.
u noe e stress.
u should noe.
cant u lyt jux spare a tout?
u need space.
u need privacy.
wad abt me.
did u eva care?
did u eva gave a damn?

my eyes r in pain.
my head is spinnin.
i long for my bed.
n i hafta.
WASH E CLOTHES
b4 i sleep.
settle my dishes when i hafta study for my 2 quiz tml.
n now.
i dunn feel lyt studyin anymore.
u make me feel lyt.
wadeva i do.
doesnt matter anymore.
not anymore.

i m drained.
jux lyt u.
i presume.
budd i cant do anything abt it.
i dunn understand.
i dunn need all these.
reali dunn.
i jux wan a simple life.
i dunn need luxury.
i only need a place where i cann share my joy n happiness.
not a place where theres onli sadness.

i m tired.
tired of speakin.
complainin.
denn hearin e same thing back.
gettin sarcastic remarks from u guys.
makin life miserable for me.
n wad u call tis?
spice up MY life.
y not try spicin urs too?

wad do u tink u made me into?
a clown, a puppet?
to make a fool of myself so tt u cann destresSs?
to make u smile when i m lyt crying out loud inside?
to make use of me so tt u cann lyt enjoy all e praises n stuff?
i hate it.
reali do.
sick of it.
seriously.
n i tink i m gg crazy wit tt.
seriously.
n i tink i need a break.
a serious one.

suddenly.
i have no idea wad i said.
n my mind is in a blank.
i dunno
i need a break.
a long one.
an everlasting, neverending one.
goddess/
bring me back to where i once belong pls.
i have had enuff.

arghx.
i hated myself so much.
*slaps.

i noe i shouldnt be here bloggin when i m rushin on my dumb REPORTS
yesh.
c tt 'S'
so is more denn ONE report.
yea.
reali v sick of it la~
sat for a day in front of e com doin e procedure part.
arghx.
yes.
i finished tt.
budd no big deal
e focus shouldnt b there anw.

aft dinner.
was tryin so hard to concentrate.
budd i tink i gonna fall sick soon.
i jux CANT SIT STILL.
keep fidgeting abt.
denn cant concentrate.
till now.
which is lyt from 9 till now..
ya.
about 3 hours.
have been rotting about.
arghx.

i need to concentrate n get this junks done.
budd i jux cant do it.
arhhh!!!
kk.
get back.
focus.
i cann do it.
i will finish it.
yes i can.
n i will!!
jiayou jiayou!

ehh.
i reali should start to feel bad.
i told myself this on tuesday.
right aft playin badminton with siewsiew, jia n pd.
luanting..
u CANNOT afford to procastinate anymore.
u have not much time for all your reports, revisions and case studies alr.
u better start worK asap.

n now..
i m still sitting on this comfy chair.
opening up youtube.com as n when i lyt.
ohh yahh.
talkin abt tt..
they actually removed <> , <>, <> and <> before i actually have e tym to watch!!!
omgg.
i m so sadded cann.
n <> i cant watch.
all no subtitles.
n..
there is no episode 1 to 15!!!!
arghx.
set tt aside.
i shld be glad la.
tt there r not MUCH videos for mi to watch le.
denn i wun get distracted.
budd.
somehow..
my mind n my hands doesnt feels e same way.
omgg.
is lyt there is two me in me la..
u get wad i mean?
ur soul in my case doesnt wan to do it..
whilst my mind n hands simply refused to listen.
=x
ok.
half of it was crap.
it doesnt sound possible.
budd it seems e case for me.
okayx.
back to tt procastinating thingy.
so aft some clickings on youtube,
decided.
i should really really sit down n do my reports..

denn..
my wonderful stomach..
STARTS to growl.
omggg.
n now.
w/o fooD, i cant tink.
cant tink = go sleep.
pengx pengx.
feel lyt killing myself.
arghx luanting!!

to tink i actually wanted to work at e petrol kiosk next wk.
ehh.
nono.
mayb i shld go la~
cuz..
if i went.
denn i will KNOW tt tym aint enuff for mi.
denn i might START to do work.
=x

ok.
now u noe.
yesh.
i haben TOUCH a single report.
trying hard to remove all e others 'junks'
e case studies, datasheets, tutorials, etc.
budd i tink i did only relatively lil la~
omgg.

n now.
i m still here blabbering away.
shitty luanting.
u better get into worK now.
humphsss.
i WILL.
nono.
i MUST finish at least e procedure for binsan report today!.
no more procastinating..
NOOOO..
i dunn wanna spend the whole of my next wk,
nesting/ locked at home to complete those dumb reports of mine.
no way.
=P

off i go.

did sth dumb on tues.
=x
somehow..
did it purposely..
dunno why either.
jux feel lyt attituding.. =x
quoting from wad mum says "lyt tt denn cann add spice into ur life."

aiyah.
wadeva. it jux happens.
felt stupid n childish aft tt.
its jux a call away.
n i jux refused to dial tt stupid number.
denn now.
landed myself in this shit.
n bro too.
sorry bro.

arghx.
reali felt bad aft tt.
first tym i felt so damn bad aft doin things lidat.
i mean.
ya. this is not e first tym i m doin stuff lyt this.
*slap myself.
i shouldnt sound proud in doin sth disgraceful as tt.
budd i reali felt bad.
cuz i m lyt..
somehow find myself too much..
reali.
cuz..
come to tink abt it..
they have been real gd this few days..
for tolerating mi with e camp stuff.
i noe they hate it when i get too involved wit sjab stuff.
n i noe they r lyt WAD.
camp again.
i noe they reali feel lyt askin mi not to go for e camp.
budd they din.
n dad said sth before i went for e camp.

if u find urself happy in getting involved wit things lidat..
go ahead denn..
budd dunn do sth u find not worth ur time.

felt touched.
cuz i noe how much he is against of mi gg for tt 3D2N camp.
since i will b losing loads of sleep.
since i will b deadbeat.
n since i have been COMPLAINiN abt how mean my lecturers r to give us so much stuff to do..

budd wad i did in e end.
i made dem pissed off wit mi again. (yes. again.)
felt very letdown la.
cuzz..
tinking back.
i haben been doin sth to let them breathe some air.
reali.

i lied.
i stole.
i defied.
i rebelled.
i skipped school.
hmmm.
wad else did i do?
i tink.
i only din take drugs, smoke n club.
ok.
club is sth i gonna do.
very soon. =x
once i m 18. =P

when they asked mi to study.
i purposely dunn wanna to.
when they asked mi not to get a bf.
i purposely did. =x
ok.
not purposely la.
is jux peng qiao.
denn plus..
last tym i DID have feelings for him.
is jux tt.
i cann choose not to go into a relationship.
budd i did.
lied to them to go out play.
lied to them abt havin sch works to do budd end up... .
lied to them abt loads of stuff.

reali glad tt they can tolerate mi.
reali glad tt they nvr gave up on mi..
tinkin tt.
if for other parents, they might have jux send mi to home.
n i wun be here.
sitting down here typing this entry.

reali remorseful to wad i did mum n dad.
reali thankful for all e tolerance.
reali thx for being there wheneva i needed u.

is time i do sth a soon-to-be 18 year old girL shld do.
no.
i wun be doin childish n stupid act now.
i will learn to grow.
i noe this is lyt e dunno-how-many-times i m saying this.
budd.
i noe..
this tym round i m serious abt it.
i will prove to them tt.
i m reali thankful.
n in return..
i will be a gd girL.
my definition of gd girL.
i wun be perfect.
budd i promise.
i will try.
n it wun b an empty promise.
=))

mum and dad
i love you!

i m back!!
whee~~
first tym camp i dinn lost my voice sia!!
wahahax..

slept for 17 straight hours.
its a new record.
wahahax.
cann c we r lyt sooo tired lorx..
cuz i tink most of us slept tt long!!
whahax.

had a great tym there..
though dinn reali joined in e activities..
budd we enjoyed ourselves alot.

booked out of e camp on e first night to celebrate jia de bday.
cooL right.
in e middle of e camp 'sneak' out.
denn when pizza hut to have our wonderful dinner!!
saw nadirah!! finally..
budd.
she suan mi from e start of e dinnEr till e end!!
omgg..
so saddenin..
budd nvm..
used to it alr.
went back camp n had a second round of celebration..
e cake was super chocolatery cann.
denn we too full le..
ate a bit nia..

second day went for e hike..
was rather funn though we walked very long~~~
all da way from our schooL to yishun sapphire area..
omgg..
had our lunch there n rainfall!!
omggggg.
so sad!
denn cant cont e hike..
went back to schooL n played some games organised by e CTH..
quite special games..
if we had it durin our batch..
denn it will be so nice laaa.
dinner de feedback was VERY gd!!
everyone enjoyed e dinneR cann???
ommgg.
jia n my hardwork paid off.
e carrying of stuff.
buying of stuff etc..
it all paid off!!
whee~~

third day nth much laa.
jux tt..
finally...
I DUNN NEED TO WASH TOILET!!
lolx.
had a debrief/reflections of e instructors..
some photoshots..
denn went off for lunch tgt!!
went home, shower n sleep till now!!
wahahax..
n i m startin to feel abit sleepy..
*yawns..

gonna go catch goong.
since boon have been tempting mi since lyt before camp..
all e pigumama n stuff
wahahx..
cya ard~!

scandalous~~

i m glad.
glad tt my choice was a correct one..
aft so long..

i m happy for myself.
tt i din make history repeats itself.
all these wks of restrain finally pays off..
hopefully..
it shall end here.
hopefully.
no more complicaton.
no more confusion.
-the end it shall be.

it doesnt hurts as much when i received e news.
cuz.
somehow i predicted it alr.
somewad i noe its gonna happenn.

dunn wry!
i m still luanting janet granite wadeva..
i m still happily survivin well.
not hurt nth!
cuz..
i made e right choice for once..

mum..
c..
i m growing up!!
i have learnt how to make e right choice..
n i m certainly proud of myself!
=))

come to tink of it..
me n jia n boon r reaLi reaLi superb!!

we went to buy e food stuff for e camp stuff.
n carried it back ON OUR OWN!!
wheee
we r so bang right??

ystd bought lyt 3 TROLLEYS of food stuff bacK to sch..
n today..
mi n jia bought lyt 8 xi guas (watermelon)
SEVENTY FIVE appless..
9 canned food..
9 packets of vege.
natas.
flours..
so many many!!
n we bought everything bacK successfuLLy..
wippee!!
we r jux so great right??
hehex..

ok..
stop tt self praising..
actuaLLy..
is aLL thx to this transport call e taxi!!
lolx..
tokkin abt tt..
felt so bad sia..
have been taking cabs far too often this few days..
oh no oh no..
lyt so waste money lidat..
haix..
budd..
we got a lot of stuff to carry maa.
right??
tink shld b alright laa.
ooops//*

kkx.
not gonna ponder it anymore..
gonna go have a shower..
pack my stuff..
N..
SLEEP!!!

tmL will be e camp le!
hope it turns out well.
since we put in lyt so much effort..
=))
it will be successful!

我是一个活在过去的人..

--回到过去

i tink i got serious indigestion today..
omg..
cuz i have been eating junks for e whole of today.
not even a single proper meaL.
ooopxx.
cuz today early go momo house..
denn cuz house no breakfast..
denn meet jia wann late le..
so hurry hurry went out..
tinkin tt momo area will have sth to eat..

denn go there..
aso nth much to eat..
wanted tau hua..
denn couldnt find any..
so went up momo house..
ate 2 cheese tofu pan-fried by minmin.. =))
denn ate a few mouthfuls of eggs fried by momo.. =DD
denn ate some chipsmore.. the new flavour one (butter crunch)..
its not tt nice though..
cuz the butter not nice enuff.
wahahax..
denn aft tt..
hurried over to marsiling to meet boonie..
cuz wann go sheng siong buy the camp stuff..
denn before leaving ate nata de coco..
omg..
tts my BREAKFAST n LUNCH..

denn now dinneR..
eat noodles.
instant noodles...
omgg.
lolx.
i feel so bad now..
lolx.
for eating so many junks..
denn now my tummy suffering..
is lyt so sick..
oooppx.
hope i go bian bian ltr..
denn i wunn be so xin ku le.. =((

昨天..
在回家的路上,
我们 (我和佳)跟品达和秀秀说了我们的成年往事..
好好..
不是成年往事..
我们还不至于这么老.. =X
只是诉说了中二时所发生的臭事..
hehex.
想想..
那时的我们还真的很疯狂..
真的什么都敢玩..

有时想想..
还真的好可怜他们两个男的..
竟然会遇到像我们这样的女人..
哈哈..

但 ..
问我后不后悔曾和他有一段这样的恋情..
有时想想还真不后悔..
因为他的那一句话..
真的让我很满足..
真的..
不后悔过着那提心掉胆的日子.
不后悔最终拥有的下场..
因为至少我曾经拥有..
=D

分手后的日子真的很苦.
真的..
记得当初自己会莫名其妙的哭了起来
会情不自禁地怀旧..
然后再静静地哭泣
真的不好受..
晚上再也没人陪我聊天..
下午没人陪我回家..
（虽然 JOJO过后有陪我..但我毕竟有一段时间要自己回好不好..）
突然要自己独立起来..
真的..
一点也不好玩..

但..
我还是那句话..
因为我曾经拥有..
所以我甘愿..＝Ｄ
真的..

好了..
elearning 还有好多东东没做!!!
再见..

tired. tired.
doing elearnin until i wann puke le.
omg.
lyt so much to do.
denn e god of weather is so very not cooperative..
its lyt..
so cloudy.
so perfect..
FOR A NAP..
n my body..
automatically switched to e wan to sleep mood.
SIANX.
n ltr maybe hafta go jog wit jia..
pengx.
tink reali hafta crawl there.
though i m gonna be lyt so yappy ltr..
will be more energetic.
not that sinful since at least a small amt of FATS haf been burnt.
budd.
e thought of travelling there...
yun dao.

ARHHH..
someone save mi.
help mi do my elearning..
denn..
i cann go NAPPY.
denn maybe i wake up le will hafta mood to go jog...
OKAYs??