felt an urge to post up an entry, and here am i.
received an email recently.
didnt thought much of it, cuz i thought i believed we'd cooled down after such a long period of time.
and yet, to my devastation,
i received sth that i'd never anticipated.
no, im not saying im anticipating some heart warming greetings for post new year or whatsoever.
just, didnt anticipated that the words used could still be so harsh.
this (going) two years, has been long.
really long.
many has doubted the decision i made, reasoning it with me,
whilst some supported me thoroughly.
someone, in fact an elderly, has actually supported me by saying: "if she feels its money worth, then let her go ahead. it really meant how badly things had became. so bad, we couldnt imagine"
i've never been so sure of my decision, just felt that, i do feel better after doing it.
felt so much lighter, so much burden-free.
and you'd never imagine the life then.
i couldnt believe i survive so long, all alone.
he was practically away, while things happened.
listening to one sided story (or perhaps, viewing it one sidedly), choosing to believe the one he loves.
no, it didnt meant that this is wrong.
i supported him that way, cause at least she doesnt have to suffer.
i do love her, just that i know i cant live with her.
i dont want to bring sufferings to us, both.
the only, and greatest disappointment caused was that,
he didnt even bother to find out the whole story and chose to wrong me with what he thought he knew.
i was to blame too. many times, i felt an urge to talk to him, but i stopped myself.
i dont want them to quarrel cause of me.
not that i want to play a hero, but i know its pointless.
there's no conclusion to it.
no one knows how hard it has been.
they seen me cry, but no, thats not all.
the pain inflicted.
the hurt.
the torture.
the contradiction.
the way your heart is so suffocated, it felt as thou u're going to get drown.
by all your sorrows.
exaggerating?
you'll never know.
I dont want to cry again because of this.
No, i had enough tears.
my eyes still hurt.
and i wish to left unhurt.
so please, treat me with tender the next time.
spoke at : 2:02 p.m.
sometimes i wonder..
that my life correlates to my name!!
my chinese name's actual pronounciation is actually:
luan (2) ting (2)
but normally during self introduction, i will pronounce it as:
luan (3) ting (2)
reason being,
the actual pronounciation is so 有墨水 i find that it sounds weird to me!!!!
haha!!
just like how i ran out, thinking that high class living doesnt suits me!!
i like to be common!
like 甲乙丙丁 living on st 42 to ave 9!
:P
spoke at : 4:35 p.m.
so tired from everything.
early morning wake up for practicalssssssssss.
dunno why suddenly so diligent!!!
its 8am LESSON!.
madness totally.
shopped whole aftnn cuz is GSS.
one whole mth of GSS and i only started mine today!!!
luckily still in time!
:D
conquered so many MANGO today, im turning yellow. -.=!
but, i got my buys!!!!!
dont wanna go sch tml.
dont wanna work too.
i feel like sleeping the mon blues away!
then i will have no production to handle tml.
no practicals to attend, yipeee.
no need to think of the stinky "xia mi"!
sigh.
how good would it be if im a millionaire!
i cann shopped the whole town down!
yay yay!
a chaffeur to send me and my barangs home....
then i cann have a nice massage aft a day of shopppping as well!!!!
screamsssssssss*
i need long holidays!!!
spoke at : 10:44 p.m.
i miss the white wine.
the smoothness, the richness, the sweetness.
i numbed with white wine.
just like what i need now,
numbness!
i look forward to tml's half day off!
:D
spoke at : 11:11 p.m.
it feels like a routine after some time.
to meet to part to meet and to part again.
i cann do w/o u, u cann do w/o me too.
was that the pact we had when we started out,
i cant rmb.
but i think i changed.
i feel like changing the rules.
Ha.
i want more than just mere touch and go.
i feel like settling down now.
i want more from you,
though you never gave me much.
i just dont like things now.
you were my happy pill,
and i would like it to continue down the road.
i dont feel like having any changes now.
it doesnt feel the same anymore.
why?
or, those only happens at the start.
things turned monotonous after awhile.
or, it just got sick.
sigh.
what do i want actually.
what do i have actually.
spoke at : 12:19 a.m.
2am:dessertbar!
the place to destress after a long long wk!
yumyum,
i love white wine!
:P
spoke at : 1:23 a.m.
i dont like myself.
im a frustrating woman who frustrates humans, like myself.
i dont understand why im born this way.
i dont understand why im brought up this way.
i dont understand why i handle things this way.
i dont understand why once i've self-lacking of sleep i get so frustrated with all the things that arent going smoothly,
and i dont understand myself.
i grumbles and mumbles.
i complains and screams.
im unsatisfied.
there is millions of things to talk about,
but i really dunno where to talk from.
when can i really find somebody to sit somewhere and talk whole day.
i need to let it out.
i need to sleep.
spoke at : 10:55 p.m.
if i have a chance to study forever,
i wanna study accountancy.
but it will be diploma.
cuz i love figures, but not to complicated.
i wanna study traditional chinese med.
i grew up with them, and i love them.
as in the way, i ate them in my growing years all along, due to the "weak" body.
and i grew to love the taste, their existence and everything else.
i wanna study engineering.
diploma too,
since i still love things to be simple.
i only wanna know why things work this way and how they work.
and hopefull the method of fixing too!
i wanna study food and nutriton.
i want to know the vitamins and minerals and what not all in my mind!
i want them to be part of my life.
but, i only wanna learn, not apply.
:X
i want to study languages.
everything from malay to arabic to hakka.
i just want to study.
ha!
i enjoy the process of studying,
just studying.
i dont want to worry abt results,
i dont want to think of competition.
i dont want to apply them,
i dont want to make use of them.
i only wanna learn things at my own pace, own space for my own interest.
cann i?
i know i need a good enough man to support my living, and my studies.
"P
spoke at : 11:33 p.m.
i dont understand why my restaurant city just refuses to load.
be it having the min speed of broadband,
or the maximum,
it just refuses to load.
be it some lao ya laptop or some normal desktop....
it just refuses to load.
its soooooo frustrating.
i just need a break from my studies mar,
is that so hard to fulfil.
damn network.
spoke at : 9:32 p.m.
my bf dont let me watch tv!!!
spoke at : 11:34 p.m.
i feel sad
very very sad.
sigh.
why.
:(
spoke at : 1:26 a.m.
after i started out this new job of mine,
life has turned mundane by x 10 to the power of infinity.
monday roll to work thinking:
weekends always end THAT fast. :(
tuesday nuaing to work questioning myself:
what have i been doing last night that im so lethargic now?
wednesday strolled to work mumbling:
finally half a wk has gone!
thursday dragged my feets to work thinking:
one more day to go.
finally friday!!!!
still nuaing to work,
excitement rises only at 1759,
hopped over to mrt and off to my second home!
sat and sun.
nua all over again at my second home and then...
monday finding myself wasting the wkn again.
:(
FINALLY..
after 5 months of "i think i had enough days"
im gg on a holidayyyyyyyyyy.
although it is only MALAYSIA (yet again, though further this time)
and secretly hoping i cann squeeze time for THAILAND....
but i m still x 5 to the power of infinity.
happy to the max!!!!!
no need to nua to work for 3 days!
no need to nua over the wkns!
no need to wake up so early!
YAY YAY.
just that,
most prob i have to roll over to the railway station by myself.
and hopefully, im not returning home by myself!
:P
spoke at : 8:02 p.m.
impulse buying.
sigh.
it felt as though i just prove the article right.
:(
i need to stop.
spoke at : 9:11 p.m.
unknowingly,
it has become a responsibility for him to settle my dinner/night out, if my friends happen to pangseh me.
unknowingly,
it has become a habit for me to rely on him when im all alone or rather, whenever necessary.
unknowingly...
spoke at : 7:59 p.m.
i used to be very persistent in pursuing the dreams and goals which i had.
i used to be able to put down everything, and leave with my luggage to study overseas, if necessary.
i seem to have no worry at all, regardless of what will happen eventually.
but now,
if im stuck.
it came to me that, even if one day,
i got a chance,
to go overseas to pursue what i always wanted,
i might stop and ponder.
can i really leave this island,
to study and perhaps never come back again.
can i really,
get to live the way i wanted.
sigh,
perhaps,
one cann never always get what they wanted.
-emo-
spoke at : 5:21 p.m.
a fulfiling day ends with a
long, warm shower,
a nice leg massage,
and an early good night sleep.
and and and,
i fell in love in pedicures!
:D
spoke at : 9:54 p.m.
yay yay!
there's still tickets back home for new year despite the last minute-ness!
though the damaged to the pockets are relatively big,
but it beats staying in a 4-cornered room by myself during this festive period.
HURRAY.
i cant wait to get the ticket!
gran SHOULD be excited too.
bleah!
spoke at : 1:05 p.m.
on the last day of 2008,
then i came to realised,
i screwed up the whole of my life in this particular yr.
i lived as though im in the world of my own,
apart from the reality.
i broke free from the family,
though i dont know whether deep down,
if i really did.
made some seem to be hasty decision,
and ruin some relationship.
i dunno what i did that was right eventually.
since, i failed as a daughter and a friend.
im still as lost as i was in 2007.
in chinese, also known as "bai huo" le.
had a philosophy lesson towards the last wk of 2008,
and realised the goals that i used to dream of,
doesnt seem realistic or practical at all.
all in all,
nth has been achieved.
but losses seem more.
sigh.
i dunno to anticipate for a better 2009
or to fear for a worse 2009.
since,
there will only be two outcomes.
unless,
i wont be ard to experience the whole of 2009.
p/s.
this post does sound nonsensical as it was written at 0224, 1/1/09, thursday midnight.
and on top of that, there is the bad mood to blame and a tiring body.
spoke at : 2:12 a.m.
BDAY CELEBRATIONS AND GATHERINGS17/12/08 - with the usual girlfriends @ brewerks
18/12/08 - with MS LEONG and FYP group @ tao restaurant - with the lovely cake prepared by sijia& yingxuan from bakerzin!
19/12/08 - with the colleagues @ ganhuplee - thai express w/ the wonderful sweet tapioca!
20/12/08 - sjab peeps@ jack's place followed by movie with sp colleagues.
21/12/08 - tangyuan @ his house, shu an's house AND meikui aunty house - still as yummy &colourful as ever! and the bday logcake of jiahui's!
22/12/08 day - ganhuplee colleagues celebrated in advance cuz shu an gg to be on leave from 23rd!
treated me ah seng kitchen for lunch - yummy curry fishhead! and surprised me with a cake!
22/12/08 night - with bro, min, hui, him @ bakerzin northpoint! ;P
bro got us a chip& dale each!
hui gotta chip and me the dale!
then headed to 2am:dessertbar @ holland V. amazingly wonderful!
the couch is cosy, the drinks are nice.
23/12/08 - left the auspicious day for the guy.
got my long awaited pizza and drumlets.
got several gifts despite the financial difficulty.
and he bore me a big belly son!
thanks for the thoughtfulness. ;)
26/12/08 - met up with CHAT HONG MING and sijia @giraffe
yummy kahlua! omg, with loves! couch is cosy tooooo! :P
had a long chat towards the night, and yes, enjoyable indeed.
celebrations ended.
time to get back to reality.
one yr older.
officially stepped into the 20s.
time to grow up slightly!
:P
spoke at : 5:34 p.m.
spoke at : 12:28 a.m.
尽在不言中。
the current emotions are mixed.
i dont even know how to express them out.
i dont know who to tell.
i dont know what to do.
i feel lost.
:(
its like...
to know or realise of sth that you didnt want to believe.
i want/need/request for someone to tell me that im reading too much into it and all these isnt true.
i want to believe or to choose to be ignorant.
i want to know and to learn to trust again.
but,
at this point of time,
im lost for words.
sigh.
it has been a great day out, shopping with jh.
it has been a great day out, eating with min/jh/di.
it has been a great day out, movieing with di/jh.
maybe,
i should just retained the happy memories today,
and dump the upsetness aside!
if not,
jh/di/min's effort will be ruined!
ahha!
p/s: thanks
papa to the rescue although you didnt help much! haha.
although you wont see it, but no, up to this point, im not regretting yet.
so dont make me! ;)
spoke at : 11:07 p.m.
went dinner with ohsijia after work.
and that sweet lady brought two hard boiled eggs along!!
cuz,
its my lunar birthday!!!!
HEEEE :D
and she reminded me to eat mian xian - sth i've not done for quite long!!
omg,
such a love aint she??
then went off to holland V with jiahui!
my virgin trip there!
wanted to go 2am:dessert bar.
full house.
moved on to wala wala.
full house.
whats going on man!!!!
its friday we know,
but why FULL!!! :(
so we went.
NYDC.
yes, travelled there to have NYDC! ROAR!
but luckily the drinks are acceptable.
chatted hours at the corner,
recalling childhood stuff,
reflecting self in recent yrs,
reciting on exciting events,
predicting future.
and,
it came to me...
are you the one?you felt like a normal friend some times, though you cann provide certain things they cant.
you're able to fork time out specially for me, but most of my friends cann do so too!
we enjoy each other's companion.. but do we really need one another?
you're always there whenever i needed you the most (at least till this far), but my friends are there whenever i needed them as well!
cann you, really enjoy life and appreciate it in future together with me?
it has never came to my mind that one day, you'll be living tgt with me.. not even cohabiting. although the thought of you mentioning it excites me a moment, but it went down in less than another moment.
i dont share my joys and fears with you. it feels as though it was another part of me that i wouldn't need to share with you. the random thoughts that i shared were merely what friends would do to one another, aint they?
it feels as though, you're just another closer friend. and, i know you might feel terrible if you knew it. but, im not even sure if i should tell you about it. wow, how cool is that.
i feel lost.
lost of the things i should do.
do i really need you,
or am i actually taking up your time?
or,
in actual fact,
im just afraid of the commitment i need to put in after everything you did?
too much thoughts at a go.
and they are all so random.
i dont know,
how i should pen it down,
or continue.
but, this just feels depressing, although it was a wonderful night out.
spoke at : 1:55 a.m.
it came to my sudden realization that i was actually being brought up to enjoy life.
i've been pampered with good food,
good accommodation and life!
having to give public transportation a miss since primary school,
being able to restaurant-hop every other wkend.
- think equinnox - i think i've been there at least twice.
- think - my bro wouldnt step into a non-air conditioned eating place until a certain age.
- think - we cann travel half of s'pore to eat what we feel like eating.
even plain rice was one of the top few brands back then!
the fussiness me and my bro had was like - we refused to eat any rice from granny's house cuz.. her rice is of a lower quality.
home cooked dishes were even calculated to be more expensive than takeaways!!
imagine staying in a local hotel... more than enough!
imagine bday celebrations at all sort of hotels/restaurants.
imagine york hotel buffets twice every yr!
the tours we had.
taking planes since 2!
umpteen getaway trips since young.
im... so trained to enjoy life!
i want to continue to pamper myself!
the only difference will be,
now, i cann only depend on myself - to give me the kind of life i yearn for.
i want to continue my high standards of living,
so i must work hard.
luanting,
jiayou!!
for a better future,
you must continue to strive harder!!!!
so, i cann at least fulfil my wishlist within next yr!!!!
:P
spoke at : 12:06 a.m.
i have a whole list of wishes...
birthday wishes,
christmas wishes,
new yr wishes..
whatever they are called.
but these are my motivation for next yr!!!!
i wanna go
(1) taiwan trip with ms kee and hopefully ms oh as well!
(2) a cruise trip to wherever it shall bring me!
(3) a nice yet short batam trip so i cann admire the beach, sunset/rise and some massage!!!
i wanna
(1) have an itouch! (my mp3 is dying on me!)
(2) go back to study! (its about time! HA!)
(3) learn my long awaited bike lessonssssssss
(4) stay a night or two at the local hotel!! not hotel 81 though. -.=
omg,
i think they will cost a bundle!
i'll need to start saving!!!!!
unless i get some huge sponsors for my trips!
wahahahaha.
spoke at : 11:22 p.m.
i think i have a preferred liking of new and more interesting stuff.
yes,
im 喜新厌旧。。。
spoke at : 9:13 a.m.
the pain just increase as the months pass.
arhh.
and life has been made increasingly terrible due to these few "unwanted days".
and i believe,
if my gastric flu comes in tgt with menses,
i will cry to my death.
haha.
spoke at : 2:38 p.m.
omg,
thanks to my bro!!!!
i'm slightly richer now!
GASPS!
i cant wait for the wkn!!
WHEEEEEEEE
i love you, bro!!!
spoke at : 10:49 p.m.
ok, i open this window and i realised,
i couldnt type chinese.
ahhhhh...
since when has "han shen" plays such an important role in my daily life!!
:X
ok,
which means,
i have nth else to do,
except msn.
fine,
i shant grumble!
:P
spoke at : 5:42 p.m.
frustrated,
or rather, disappointed.
i really..
dont know what to say.
i really dont know what move should i do next.
i dont know whether this is happening to everyone and that im just being demanding or that,
im just being plain stupid and got myself into this mess.
i hate it when im presented with options that includes "unwanted choices".
its tiring enough to make decisions and yet,
i still have to THINK THRU which are the options that i should choose as i might just offend someone, who knows.
i hate it when im being asked and misled,
when things never going to happen.
then, whats the point of asking in the very first place.
i hate it,
when i have to wait and wait,
and ended wasting my time.
i hate it when i need to beg for replies.
fine,
if you are so unwilling,
why bother to start in the very first place.
its not like,
my life has to include you.
ARH
im irritated, badly!
and i just feel like tearing your head off.
spoke at : 12:22 a.m.
i told myself,
warn myself
that if this continues,
i will be in deep shit in future.
but,
i went along.
today,
when i looked back..
at how disobedient i cann be,
i regretted.
if it was continued like before,
will things be different?
sigh.
is it due to
(1) cant be bothered attitude or
(2) i seriously dont know how to take initiative
i still dont know.
but,
im getting worn off.
yet,
im falling in deeper.
:(
sounds contradicting,
feels contradicting as well.
what do i want in actual fact?
sigh.
days are bad.
spoke at : 12:13 a.m.
the very familiar scenes!
im mugging too people~!
just that i dunn have exams pending! :P
but because of the above reason,
im still slacking even aft 1.5 hrs of flipping the books.
ooooops/.!
time to buck up!
i dont have much time left!
;)
spoke at : 2:12 p.m.
当一个冲动的人开始犹豫，
开始三思而后行时。。。
一定。。。
有不对劲！
something must be wrong!
just that,
i dunno what.
sigh.
spoke at : 9:20 p.m.
stayovers are bad.
:(
you get addicted and you miss the night before.
anyway.
back from my trips.
started my new job.
utterly broke,
especially when they told me payday will only be...
END OF THE MTH.
oh gosh.
ladies and hunks.
DATE ME FOR DINNERS K?
but..
you guys gonna treat.
wahahaha.
:P
spoke at : 10:18 p.m.
why am i still doubting when things have come so far?
hmmmz,
end my last day at sp services on friday.
i will miss my bitch and girlfriends over there.
:(
and jiemeis too.
sigh.
another chapter of my journey has ended.
wonder whats laid next for me.
will i return to sps like what so many of them has done?
because we just couldnt bear to leave the ppl there.
hmmm. perhaps not for me in the case..
since many others are on the run already!
**Giggles**
rushed down for the chalet organised by wz &all after work.
even my landlord looks at me unbelievably when i reached home at 1130pm on friday night,
and waves goodbye to her at 12mn.
keke.
and when i told my landlord abt my trip to m'sia...
he was like..
ERR, you on long leave?!
HAHAHAHA.
yes pakcik.
i on longgggg leave!!
you will see me rotting ard for at least 2 more weeks!! :P
life has been nice on the whole,
but i kept missing out poly mates gathering.
:(
i really really really didnt mean it but,
i really had sth on lar.
i will try to make it for the next one okay?!
thats all for now.
gotta prepare for tml's trip!
:))
spoke at : 11:19 p.m.
boo hoo
i miss you!
:(
damn,
i think im too into it already.
SCREAMS*
spoke at : 1:47 a.m.
two years.
not very long,
but not that short either..
but it seems too much for me to bear.
and seriously, i think i'm too wild to take it!
oooooooooops/.!
well,
if thats the case,
i will consider it again,
as the situation flows.
haha!
who knows whether you are serious about it not!
;)
spoke at : 7:46 p.m.
i NEED to rectify the problem AND solve it.
i haven been soooo frustrated before.
i hate myself.
*YELLS*
spoke at : 11:14 p.m.
i think i just landed myself in some shit.
-.=
how do i go about solving it,
lehsigh.
anyway,
ms xu &i went for the fish therapy thingy ystd!!!
omg.
the fish are sooooooo naughty cuz they keep tickling me!
and apparently,
ms xu was the brave one,
cuz only i screamed like there's no tml.
:(
the shopkeeper is like..
dont worry, dont look, you are doing well...
yes - just like a baby!
AHHHH.
so throw face!
but they are really very ticklish
MARsomemore all go under my feet!!!!
thats the MOST sensitive part LAR!
:(
on fri,
went house viewing @boon lay.
yepp,
i confirm moving out,
next week.
thats like fast.
i wonder if i cann adapt well,
but
papa & lil bro says i'll be fine.
you promised to visit eh!
:)
i wont say i wont miss this place at all,
but i guess i'll miss yishun more.
like i told wz,
i will be away from the places which i was once so familiar with.
its quite saddening.
ha!
met up with CHING on thurs for cheeky tgt with mr zhang!
passed her the pressie and she was so excited over it!
whats with the coconut and pomelo!
haha!!
althou the cap is green..
&i adore food,
but that has no link with this both!
:P
i'm glad u like it,
and will put it in good use.
you'll get to see me more often,
and remember to bring me ard to have good food at boon lay!
yes, ms ntu hall four, you too!
:)
i look forward to my new life!
at least i won't be bored there.
sooo many ppl ard that corner!
and ms he xiao han!!!
YOU TOO!
must meet me up for dinner k!
i know ur family seldom cook de!
hahahaa!
:P
spoke at : 11:32 a.m.
谢谢你在那一刻，
紧握着我的手。
在你自己还没恢复原状时，
想到的却是我的心灵。
虽然什么都没说，
但你用了最直接的方法，
让我感受到安慰。。
i told you,
you knew what i needed.
:)
还有你。。
虽然嘴上什么都不说，
但很明显的，
你很在乎。
因为我的一句话，
你为我赴汤蹈火。
因为我的一个表情，
你做了这么多。
但除了谢谢，
我什么都不能做。
唯一能的，
或许是配合你。。
假装什么都不知道。
=====================
met up with ching lady for CHEEEKY!
:)
&i was glad she loved the coconuty-lookalike pressie!
HOHO.
ching is right,
im always involved with "w".
and know what,
ching
Waiji.
i do have a fetish towards ppl wearing specs,
and i certainly prefer girls!
ooooooooooops/.!!
ok la ok la,
guan wei also w.
wei liang also w.
hahahha!
have fun with your projects!
& your shirt designing!!!!
:)
spoke at : 6:54 a.m.
humans are greedy to start of with.
once granted, you'd request for more.
i always wondered,
why are you always busy?
although you still take out time when i needed you the most (as in really in need),
im still greedy for more.
maybe i've been too into it.
or maybe both of us knew what we are to each other in actual fact.
i think i do know what i want,
just like the other time.
but i still refuses to let go,
just like the other time.
im still the same old stubborn me.
sigh.
spoke at : 11:22 p.m.
a short trip there,
then back!
within 50 hours?!
i told ws on the bus that i'd most prob update next week due to the report that i needed to hand up tml morning.
but,
i still couldnt resist to briefly update this crazy decision of mine.
heh.
i hadnt had a good sleep since last wed.
-.=!
and i've got so many stories to tell,
i need more time!!
alright,
i will come back on mon/tues night to update this happening life of mine!
:P
spoke at : 12:17 a.m.
Low Battery 的我们，
went home to 继续拼...
and then,
we forgot the supplements for night revision...
HUNGRY!to be continued..
after my report.
and,
happy birthday mr samuel!
im sorry i couldnt attend the mass celebration!
really sorry!
:S
spoke at : 11:35 p.m.
" Low Battery"
gadgets involved in the above situation currently are:
- new phone
- old phone
- laptop
- myself
coming up:
- the girl sitting opposite me
- the laptop belonging to the person above
*this is how a mugging day is like! :)*
minus off that
spinning headache,
nauseous feel - suspected pregnancy,
and the ever falling eyelids.
loves* and more to come!
spoke at : 9:03 p.m.
i know i miss school life.
i know i miss rumbling on the stuff i used to learn.
i know i miss having ppl whom i cann rant with - linking study stuff with our everyday life.
i know i should move on,
i know its more or less time to leave.
but something is holding back.
is it the people there?
is it the nice customers?
is it that my initial goal was not reached?
or is it just,
i couldnt decide.
like what he says,
the answer is v straightforward.
its just...
whether i wanna accept it anot.
everything is better over there,
so why m i still pondering.
why m i still hesitating.
why?
or is it just because,
i couldnt bear to leave...
just like this.
i should be less emotion based.
i should know when to let go.
i should learn.
spoke at : 11:49 p.m.
i hate my indecisive,
and un-firmness.
i cannot make
FIRM decision and not turn back.
WHY!
i dont like it when you made me feel like im just nth.
i dont like it when you refuses to tell me whats wrong.
i dont like it when you act like you dont care.
and
i cant stand myself being like this!
grrr.
im UPSET UPSET UPSET.
and you have to spoil my date! :(
nuff of that.
---------------------------------------
went back for OT today,
merely because i was crazy.
i think i'd go crazy at home thus the decision.
and the whole office belongs to 5 of us!!
i really wonder...
what'd life be when boyfriend& his lover leaves next sat!!!
althou wz has converted to perm,
& there's viv
& gek eng (who has decided not to change dept due to ME [partially!!! :P] )
& jiejie
& mr zhang
but,
it'd be different.
geee.
i hope i do get use to it;
its definitely more upsetting than when the ntu attachees are leaving.
T.T
and viv changing seats to some faraway land makes me SADDER!!!
(althou i get to go round that corner more often! - as in SLACK :P)
------------------------------------------
after OT,
went to dempsey hill with jiahui.
(oh yar, this pretttty lady waited for me at the office for 4hrs! :P)
OMG.
lemon tart IS nice.
wedges is yummy
AND
i love cappucino!!
:D
i wanted to take some nice photo of the tiramisu (which i happened not to like it very much...)
but my camera die on me..
just like that.
T.T
luckily ms kee is ard with her 5 MP cam phoneeeee.
:DDD
yummy food.
siewboonie, jojo, mdm oh, ms xu &pei...
shall visit there some day alright!
^.^
ok,
nuff for today.
it has been A MONTH since i got my sundays nap,
and i think i shld sleeep!
:)
nights peeeeeeps!
spoke at : 10:14 p.m.
life.
has been crazily crazy.
with all the late night WORK - really working ok.
and all the late night FUN - this is NECESSITY (giggles**)
ppl in the office are FAR TOO "ON".
with all the meeting sessions with ot clique,
ntu cliques and random cliques.
but,
life would have been real dull without them.
and sad too.
job has turned from bad to horribly bad.
job scope maintains,
but my mistakes level has increased tremendously.
whats with forgetting the BLOCKS and not VERIFYING.
(yes ching, 4mths and
still not verifying -.=!)
I FAILED THE QA,
and i think i will have a write-in complaint SOON.
rwar.
might be too tired from overworking..
might be i just dunn have the heart.
like everyone in the office who sees me mentioned,
its time to take a short break - be it one or two days.
maybe, i really shld!
anyway,
enough of emos.
met up with jojo & boonie randomly.
the former just msged me in the afternoon..
commanding me to meet her up.
she dinn even check
if im free lor..
best buds, eh!
went for a meal.
AND fireworks!
wheeeeee.
we thought we'd have missed it,
but aha!
still in time for the last 15mins!!
^.^
pretty pretty stars flying down.
colourful sparklers flying everywhere.
<3 !!
pretty emo when its time to say goodbye.
its hard to think,
when will be the next meetup.
the offs might not crash so soon.
and weekends aint free just like that.
T.T
and,
THE LADY WHO IS IN NTU HALL 4 NOW.
she practically got her own life,
forgotten about these non-uni students!!
dunn even bother to reply sms!
tsk tsk..
but, we have to have our own personal space thou,
comparing to others who hardly had the chance to meet once a yr..
we might be lucky enough already.
:)
but still that line,
pls dunn let the next meetup to be in nov.
its kinda.
saddening, you know!
we need each other to spice up each other's life.
:P
spoke at : 12:13 a.m.
i knew what answer i was waiting for.
i wasnt exactly in a dilemma.
was rather waiting for another answer,
to ask me not to go.
but the person failed me,
even thou i asked it straight in the face.
it was like..
that kinda feeling,
which i had years before..
有种把自己送上门的感觉。
maybe,
you aint the one who can give me what i need after all.
maybe,
you just cant do it, although the way you do things showed me that you wanted to care.
but,
i needed more.
and you couldnt afford.
spoke at : 8:57 p.m.
下个月的今天，
应该会不一样。
下个月的今天，
应该不回在这。
下个月的今天，
不知会是怎样。
不应该这样难过，
因为已经有了心理准备。
只是，
你连开口说也免了。
那。。。
就这样吧。
该去哪好呢?
its time to think abt it.
spoke at : 2:12 p.m.
这格格不入的地方。
华丽又精心的外表，
有的却是冷漠无情的内涵。
这不是我的世界。
在这的一年多，
越待就越难过。
美丽但孤寂的泳池，
简单却冷淡的健身房。
我怀念旧家的温馨。
怀念邻居们的热情。
怀念纪家姐妹的相伴。
怀念李家小姐的房灯。
spoke at : 9:57 p.m.
pissed.
i think i may need to consider changing my hp service provider.
why do i feel like my sms-es are being sent to the third dimension?!
or that, it is lost in the mist of delivering to the senders?!
growls*
spoke at : 1:13 p.m.
crazY~
i had a movie marathon!!!!
5 hours of freezing moments in two diff cinema.
i must be mad.
but,
the feeling is shiok!!
like what jes was saying,
after one whole week of work,
taking a day off to watch two straight movies is nice!
definitely relaxing,
if you cann forgo the freezing sensatn in the cinema.
(why did i forget my jacket?!)
met up with ernie &ms ching to celeb ernie's bday ystd..
and went to watch red cliff!
denn met up with 许公公 to watch batman!
WOO.
and we have to choose the two longest movie available.
and i was telling 许公公 this was probably the forth or fifth movie i watched in a mth!
and half the time was with ms ching.
(Ehh, when did we become so close?! with all the dinners& movies dates. *winks winks* LOL!)
i still wanna watch x files and pathology lorr.
wahahahaha!
ok, i will watch during weekdays evening.
this aint a cheap hobby!
:P
ms ching and ms oh, pls page me when you are free to sneak out from your hostel alright?
keke.
WHEEE HEEE.
spoke at : 10:11 a.m.
im so near to being twinny with mdm oh.
we share the similar earring,
at the similar side,
at the similar site.
and now,
we share the similar amt of pain!
RWAR.
see la.
nth to do go pierce what hole!
lols.
but i like my new stud.
:P
just hope mummy/daddy wunn discover it so soon!
wakakaka
spoke at : 9:59 p.m.
bahhhh.
im so tired i get cranky.
i need sleep.
and i cant imagine myself having to work on national day this year.
grr.
:[
spoke at : 8:49 p.m.
only five mths after graduation.
but in terms of:
emotionally,
physically,
mentally,
there are so many changes evolved.
made many new friends.
but they seem to be leaving one by one..
had many dreams.
but they just seem further and further..
and work,
has made me sooo exhausted i feel like doing nth but sleep whenever possible.
they made us work like robot - getting us to work as much as we could.
and we did it because the incentives are good.
-talking about that i just rmb my jackfruit ice cream is still in the fridge. :X
but,
on the other hand,
really miss school life.
miss the happenings..
miss the chiong-ings..
miss the homeworks.. (unbelievable)
miss the group works..
missing e entire process..
i suddenly felt as thou i will feel more comforted
IF i'll be attending school too.
uni life seem so fun.
yet it seems to get further and further away from my sight.
I
WANT TO STUDY.
not that working life aint entertaining,
since i get to shop ard freely now.
i get to hang out in places which i'll seldom step in previously.
sth which i seriously was deprived of!
and i totally enjoy this new feeling.
confusion has set in ever since everyone is leaving to study..
ever since everyone has been settling down after some fun..
once again,
i felt like i was the playful one..
always being the slowest due to my playfulness.
and im feeling more emo today..
cuz i lost another grumbling partner at work today.
the toilet / after-work-rot-tgt / horlicks kaki.
no one will acc me to sparkz just for that cup horlicks anymore..
no one will laugh at me at cc chat over my silly acts..
no one will cc chat me to grumble abt the fussy/idiotic/horrible ppl.
no one will entertain me and rot with me in town just to walk ard.
no one will sit beside me during her lunch time just to talk rubbish.
and of cuz,
no one to help answer the shitty billing calls to ensure such smooth sailing calls.
i will miss you MR ching wai ai.
;P
and please do not count on mr zhang to entertain me.
as mentioned, he is far too busy for me lor!
LOL.
so do drop by for a cup of horlicks @ sparkz alright (prior arrangement required as you know ..... )
or a lunch date with me, mr zhang& jesline
followed by continuous one with ernie.
why not,
lets start from tml?!
12pm?!
^.^
i'll miss call you at 6am to remind you.
WAHAHAH!.
and i'll remind ernie when i see him in the office too!
:)
spoke at : 10:55 p.m.
its still days away from payday.
yet,
i have already scheduled my finance..
on how to spend it the moment i got them in my a/c!
there are so many things i wanna get.
like dresses,
cargo pants, (looking for dunno how many MONTHS/YEARS already..)
sandals,
tank tops,
sling bag,
a new sets of earphone,
my facial products,
and
the long awaited new hp.
arhhhhhh.
so much for finance planning ehh.
by the time the date hits 20th,
i think my a/c amt would have been depleted.
but.
i really NEED all these lehhhhh!
right sheryl chong?
okie dokie.
we shall settle everything all at once when we meet on next sunday alrightie?
shop till we flat.
i want to make sure i go home BAGS-FILLED.
whee heeee!
spoke at : 10:10 p.m.
How will you choose your Mr Right?You will make the most of being able to shop around for Mr Right. You love your freedom and will have a lot of fun learning about what sort of man you like. When you do find the guy for you, nobody will be able to keep you away from the church.
Who will be your future Mr Right?Your future hubby will be lovely and sweet, but a little immature - possibly even a spoilt brat! This guy will trigger your maternal instinct. You'll always be willing to watch his back and clean up his mess. He might be the same age as you are or even younger.
When will you get married?You will be very determined and thorough in choosing a spouse. You'll study every detail about your man before saying yes to a life of love. You will eventually make a good choice, but you'd better be sure that he's willing to wait that long.
What sort of wife will you be?If your hubby is crazy enough to ask you to do silly things, you may as well have fun with him. You'll make a fun-loving wife.
Will you and your husband have a good time together?You and your spouse will choose to spend time on more romantic activities. You won't end up quite as healthy, but you'll have plenty of fun going out for drinks, watching concerts or playing cards at home with other friends.
What will your children be like?Your kids will be quiet and won't give you a hard time - they'll be a joy to have around. However, you should teach them to be stronger and more confident in themselves. Otherwise they might grow up to be losers.
How loyal are you?You get along very well with most guys. Sometimes your friendliness misleads others to think that you're a bit of a flirt, but actually you've got a loyal heart. You'll never have eyes for anyone except your beloved husband.
mr ching has been influencing me to do personality quizzes recently.
and im so into it now!!!!!
but this is fun!
go try it!
:)
http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test70.aspx
spoke at : 11:53 p.m.
tingx- 
